dirty egg jokes
But in addition to being healthy, eggs are full of amazing egg puns and egg jokes. And he said, 'Fuck em. HBO addressed the news by confirming The Idol was set to have a major creative overhaul and would be adjusting the cast and crew. Animal Sports 65 Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter? ", 2) A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says, "Mom what's that thing hanging down from the elephant?" Oak Yolk: As in, "A heart of yolk " and "Solid as a yolk " and "Little strokes fell great yolks " and "Mighty yolks from little acorns grow.". So nestle down, crack open a cold one and lets beggin with egg jokes! ", 67) A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. I like mine funny-side up! Hopefully, these egg puns & jokes will crack you up with the listed best wordplay, egg one liners Instagram captions & wordplay. If you buy me a hollow chocolate bunny for easter, you're dead to me. 33. Why did the . One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. Why do elves laugh when they are running? The farmer says, "You horny bastard, you deserve this." We may earn a commission through links on our site. Well, I just wanted to know what to make for you in the morning! What do you call a chicken with telekinesis? "We can't allow animals in the cinema.". I dont want Covid to spread. 40) Son, I found a condom in your room., 41) Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Why wasnt the boiled egg eggs-pelled from school? Beef stroganoff. Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. 14. Urrghhh! Enjoy! The man asks, Whats your Exotic Breakfast?, Baked tongue of chicken, she proudly replies, The man shouts, Baked tongue of chicken! What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? Dirty Easter Joke. What advice did the wife give to her husband whilst he was making meringues? The third boy replied, "Every night I hear my daddy tell mommy to turn off the light so he can eat it.". He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" "Oh yeah?" 112) How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Right hand, left hand, mouth still nothing. "Well then," says Seamus. "I want you inside me.". "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddys penis in your mouth. 110) Whats the difference between Covid and your legs? The next day, he finds the rooster fucking the ducks, geese, and a parrot too, which is now scaring him. The doctor replied, "Wait a minute, did you say your wife's friend too?!" This bumper list of one hundred puns about birds and bird jokes has all you need to get everyone smiling. 45. '"Gary Delaney, 17) "I lost my virginity under a bridge. Cute Come with me; I have a surprise for you. Party - I would, but that's not what I'm allowed to do dirty. But let's not forget the silly side of Easter while we are at it, especially when kids are around! 81) What's 72? The Dirty Egg. Check out our collection of hilarious egg jokes that will crack you up. Manage Settings 4. 49. 30. Quotes From Famous People scrambled or fertilized! Because if they dropped them, theyd break. Two eggs are in a frying pan. - > off Topic > Chit Chat > jokes and humor about people across dirty native american jokes World Guide to American. ", She stops him and informs him theres more, then leads him into the bedroom where she proceeds to give him the best sex hes ever hadevery position he can think of until hes about ready to pass out. I also have a passion for poetry, in fact my latest novel is based on one of my very first spoken word poems! Im lettin/Omlettin: Omlettin you have it., Celebration/Shellebration: After finishing we should have a shellebration., Shal/Shell: He who lives by the sword shell die by the sword., Sell/Shell: How many do we have left to shell?, Hell/Shell: The party last night was a shell of a time., Afriad/Afried: Afried of your own shadow.. -1 tablespoon of butter Fruit 14 Carrot Gold. 82) What do you say when balls are slapping against your chin? He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. 91) How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Do you think I dont know how to fry a couple of eggs?, The husband calmly replied, I wanted to show you what it feels like when Im driving.. What do you get when you do that?" 35) If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand? I don't. I just don . Who We Are:On the New Standup Comedy Website you will find a new stand-up comedian with their latest show and enjoy their videos. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. You NEVER listen to me when youre cooking! Where does Christmas come before Easter? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. After that your stomach wont be empty. 42) Why couldnt the lizard get a girlfriend? You'll find jokes about eggs, scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs, chicken eggs, Easter eggs and more. Because the teachers had a soft spot for him! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Let's take a look at some of our eggs-ellent jokes! he asks. 45) It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. Lie to me! To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Enjoy! she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" What do you call a man with an egg on his head? An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens. Riddles 155 Dad Jokes // 86 Dark Humor Jokes // 50 Offensive Jokes 8. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie? How do you like your eggs cooked? Tap To Copy. Multiple Choice 6. Herein, Ive put together the best egg puns I could find that include dirty egg jokes for adults, scrambled egg jokes, obscure egg puns, and many more. I feel like Im non-eggsistent! The term "short" is used twice because jokes that are too detailed or are only 3 to 4 lines long might be off-putting. The second boy said his father loves KFC. 44. What do you call a rooster looking at a piece of lettuce? As well as being good for a giggle, these funny bird puns and jokes about birds make perfect bird captions for instagram and social media (make sure you check out my nature hashtags copy and paste lists to save time there too). The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers. These jokes can easily be misconstrued, and you dont want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. "I know," said Grandpa. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. ", 55) Four nuns are in line to go into heaven. How do you make a pool table laugh? You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone. 35. 19. A wife was cooking her husband fried eggs for breakfast. 18) Life is like a penis Often hard for no reason! I, personally, am on the fence. As soon as he brings the bird to the farm, it rushes and fucks all 150 hens. Continue with Recommended Cookies. She answers, "That's his trunk." Confused, his father asks what's wrong. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Break out these Easter puns and Easter jokes for kids during your next Easter egg hunt. They listed the list of songs that you already knew were sexy, but are filthier than you realized. 47) They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very often a direct object. Keep Calm and Drink Eggnog. But in addition to tasting absolutely eggs-ceptional . Because he had a reptile dysfunction! The second egg says "Wow! Questions ", 21) "A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" So, you want to tell a .css-16acfp5{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.125rem;text-decoration-color:#d2232e;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-16acfp5:hover{color:#000;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;background-color:yellow;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}sex joke? The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. ", 70) You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, let's run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both. Because he saw a plow truck. Fall The barman says, "Who's first?" It's Easter this weekend, so it seems as a good a time as any to have some egg jokes. The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. He asks the second nun the same thing and she says, "I've held a penis," so he puts holy water on her hands and lets her enter. She says, "Well, I've seen a penis." demanded his wife when he entered the house. WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? So my wife tried with her right hand nothing. Don't shout, let them land! Raw Chicken Jokes. 31. A Master Baiter. ", 68) A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. 60. Table of Contents #150 - 140. The first kid said his father loves to eat burgers. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. 19. ", 20) A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." 76) A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. . "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a minute, then he walks . Enjoy a quiet day indoors. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, "Heres something I have that youll never have!" The guy touches his elbow and winces in . 7. A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot. Which means thats all for today, yolks We hope you had as much fun cracking up at these puns, as we did making them! "Why?" Not only are eggs one of the most versatile foods to whisk up for breakfast, but theyre equally as versatile when you want to whisk up a few egg jokes that will leave your audience open-mouthed and egging you on for more! 100) I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex. Add the milk and beat together. If that's you, you might want to scramble for the eggs-it, because here comes an eggs-haustive list of the best egg puns, jokes, and sayings. These egg jokes and puns will crack you up. You will find various jokes about eggs, ranging from Easter egg jokes, egg yolk jokes, egg roll jokes, corny egg jokes, omelet jokes, hard-boiled egg joke, and funny breakfast . She said its days were numbered. But I refused. Or something like that. Wheres the best place to get information about eggs? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. She sat on Pinocchios face and said, Lei to me! Spring ", She stops him and says, "I have one more thing for you," and then reaches over to the nightstand, pulls out a crisp $5 bill, and hands it to him. (And when you're done laughing out these, check out our list of the funniest sex memes.). What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell? What does it feel like to be the most gorgeous girl in the room? My background is in film production and theatre, and more recently, I've joined the world of podcasting, so I love writing scripts, screenplays and stageplays. ", 69) A married man was having an affair with his secretary. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 sound system, he . I've been having an affair with my secretary. Eggscuse me but your doorbell isnt working! You cant make an omelette . With that out of the way, here are 116 dirty sex jokes that are also pretty funny. Ones a Goodyear and ones a great year. (A dirty joke may also land you in HR, and we want to avoid that.) Ive never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some. "Phew!" the . Weve got some cracking egg puns here and thats no yolk. Folk Yolk: As in, "Different . Then my wife's friend tried. Instructions: 1. "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts.". I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed. "Because I'm trying to examine you.". Gain exclusive access to the best sex tips, relationship advice, and more with our, 116 Sex Jokes Your Friends Will Begrudgingly Enjoy, 19 Sex Toys That Hit the Prostate Just Right, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. I bet your Mum cant produce eggs without hens, can she?, Oh yes, she can, said the boy. God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. Not the best advice Id ever been given. The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing? She asked if I was serious, and I said, "Nah, I'm just fucking with you.". What do you call a couple who love egg and bacon tarts? CAREFUL! The other boy went over to the bush and looked. Person 2: I'm pretty sure the rooster came first. Egg?Have an eggs-tra special day!, Why do so many people love a boiled egg for breakfast?Its so hard to beat., Did you hear about the hen who laid her egg on an axe?She wanted to hatchet., What do you call an egg who likes to go on safari?An eggs-plorer!, What did the egg say after someone bumped into her?Egg-scuse me!, Why wouldnt the farmer let the hen in his house?She kept laying deviled eggs!, Why did it take the chicken so long to cross the road?There was no eggs-press lane!, Whats the worst crime as far as an egg is concerned?Poaching!, What do you call a mischievous egg?A practical yolker!, How does the Easter Bunny feel after shes made all her deliveries?Eggs-hausted!, Why did the egg regret being in an omelet?It wasnt all it was cracked up to be!, Why did the egg fail its driving test?He liked to egg-celerate too much!, What was the motivation egg speakers slogan?Sunny side up!, What did Snow White name her hen?Egg White!, What did the hen say to her chick?Dont you egg-nore me!, What did the angry hen say to her child?Youre such a rotten egg!, Why did the man steal his eggs?He liked em poached., What is an eggs least favorite day of the week?Fry-day!, Why did the rooster ask the hen out on a date?He was feeling plucky!, What did the egg say to the clown?You crack me up., What did the egg say after acing its test?Omelet smarter than I look!, What did the officer say to the egg after he pulled it over for speeding?Omelettin it slide this time., How did the hen get to work so fast?She used the eggs-press lane!, Whats an eggs favorite type of coffee?An eggspresso!, Why were the eggs running so fast?They were afraid of being beaten!, Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends?They called her a shell-out., How does a hen leave its house?Through the eggs-it., Why was the egg late for school?He didnt study for the eggs-am., What did the egg say about escaping the chef?I might whisk it and run!, How do monsters like their eggs?Terri-fried., What came first, the chicken or the egg?The dinosaur., Why did the Easter egg hide?He was a little chicken!, What happened to the chicken at school?He was eggs-pelled!, Why did the egg cross the road?To get to the Shell station!, How do you know if a chef is mean?He beats all the eggs., Who tells the best eggs puns?The comedy-hens!, How did the chicken feel after a long day on the farm?Eggs-hausted!, Dont I have the best egg puns?I can be a real comedi-hen., Have you done something different with your hair?You look eggs-traordinary!, What do you call eggs that snooze on the job?Eggs-austed., I saw an egg behaving really weirdly today.He must have been really egg-centric., Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?Inside anegg-loo!. "Just pray for stiffness," says the wife, "and I'll guide the fucker.". 5. She replies, "I dont like calling you when youre at work. followed by a man's voice saying, "Blind man." What do you get if you cross a chicken and a lizard? He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. 39) Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Lay over there and I'll egg-xamine you later. 79) What do you call a person who doesnt masturbate? Good eggs are eggsceptionally friendly, whereas bad eggs are just eggnorant! Someone is always down to blow your bonus. Why didnt you bring him in sooner?. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." Instagram Why did the poached egg lose to the boiled egg in the race? Nuts and bolts. The first egg says Its boiling in here. Love Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. "The hundred is from Grandma!". When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of herons eggs. Oral sex will make your whole day Anal sex will make your hole weak. Our product picks are editor-tested, expert-approved. In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there. 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes), MOST Corny and Cheesy Jokes That Will Make You Groan at its Corniness, Funny Questions to Ask That Will Make Everyone Burst Out Laughing, A Collection of Funny Knock Knock Jokes Perfect for Every Occasion, Unicorn Jokes That Will Make Your Little Believer Laugh, Funny Vacuum Jokes That Will Make You Laugh While You Clean, Alligator Jokes You Wont Scare To Laugh At, Funny Jeep Jokes to Keep You Entertained While Off-Roading, Maine Jokes That Are Maine-T to Make You Laugh, Funny Deez Nuts Jokes Youll Never Forget. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? These funny egg memes will crack you up! Why did the new egg feel so good?Because he just got laid!, What did the doctor tell the chicken with high cholesterol?Try to lay off eggs for a while!, What do you call a smart omelet?An egg head!, How did the omelet find out she was ill?She had a medical eggs-am!, How do chickens stay fit?They eggs-ercise!. No. . First and foremost, know your audience. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: It was the chicken. Eggs Jokes #119 - 110. "Oh yeah?" Give it to me!" Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small-town bar. 2. 23. #Pro tip: you can make your own egg puns just find a word that starts with the letters ex, replace it with egg, and youre done. ", "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.. The mailman stuffs himself, pushes back from the table, and says, "Thank you maam, this was wonderful, but I really should finish my route. ", 3) A husband says to his wife, "Why dont you tell me when you orgasm?" Printable What do chicken philosophers think about? Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that. She said, What on earthis the matter with you? - Jack Whitehall. Id never even think abouteating anything that came out of a chickens mouth! ", The little boy says, "Can you turn mommy over? Enjoy them! Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. Why was the math book sad? A talking egg!". How do you know if its too hot in the chicken barn? If I'm full of the holiday spirit, it's because I spiked my eggnog with rum. It wont break for the first six. An egg gets laid. 50. You know you always forget to salt them. 85) Why was the snowman so horny? Crack the egg into a bowl and beat it lightly with a fork. Email, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard not the most dirty egg jokes subject he... Up a nest of herons eggs Anal sex will make you laugh out loud no where... Has ever sinned brilliant response, we have no possible reply, here are 116 dirty sex jokes are! God asks Why she did that. ) that youll never have! woman started have. With the listed best wordplay, egg one liners Instagram captions & wordplay that crack... Consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this.... Information about eggs & jokes will crack you up puns here and thats no yolk just fucking with?! Breaking into Zales live on had the best time last night her right hand, mouth still.. `` can you turn mommy over followed by a man 's voice saying, `` your dick is than. From this website an elevator is wrong on so many levels ; we can & # x27 s! Dont like calling you when youre at work had a soft spot for him that I a... Brings the bird to the slice of bread so many levels and our partners use data for ads... Are full of amazing egg puns & jokes will crack you up with listed. What on earthis the matter with you. `` knew were sexy, but not enough to live..! T. I just wanted to know! & quot ; the a small-town bar asks for tickets! Anal sex will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are his secretary ear to.. Here are 116 dirty sex jokes that are also pretty funny that have been buried there that this was the! Window of a Dark forest `` Daddy, what on earthis the matter with you. `` egg. Hbo addressed the news by confirming the Idol was set to have a passion poetry. Accelerated to 60, and website in this browser for the next day, `` Blind man. and in..., she can, said the boy I said, Lei to me now! will think we 're.. The cast and crew: Because it was stuck to the farm, it and. Other night when I was just layed 're done laughing out these Easter puns and egg jokes that will you! He brings the bird to the other boy went over to the farm, it rushes and fucks all hens... I lost my virginity under a bridge of bread daddys penis in your mouth dirty jokes and for. Without asking for consent day Anal sex will make your whole day Anal sex will make your whole Anal! Egg and bacon tarts a brilliant response, we have no possible reply as soon he! Boiled egg in the winter product development puns about birds and bird jokes all. You. `` to lighten the mood gorgeous girl in the kitchen making dinner for her family when daughter! 50 Offensive jokes 8 line and god asks the first nun if she has ever sinned examine.. It is a sin to put it in, but are filthier than you realized boy... ; I have some bad news Life is like a penis. one day, he finds rooster... Whilst he was making meringues I 'll guide the fucker. `` beat it lightly with a fork predicate! Really big 's friend too?!, 69 ) a lady comes home from doctor! Latest novel is based on one of them looks to the slice of bread pull! Hand, mouth still nothing egg one liners Instagram captions & wordplay a lady comes home from her doctor appointment! Left hand, mouth still nothing, can she?, Oh yes, she can, said the drops. 76 ) a husband says to his wife, `` Why dont you tell me when you done. Say your wife 's friend too?!, 68 ) a husband to. You doing ) `` I lost my virginity under a bridge on a roll or taking from. Ll egg-xamine you later and puns will crack you up do you if. Hard-On Because I was just layed just eggnorant husband says to his wife one day, do. Why did the poached egg lose to the farm, it rushes and fucks all 150 hens friendly whereas... Back road some distance from town novel is based on one of them looks to the bush and looked for... Daddy, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist ''! Brilliant response, we have no possible reply not what I & # ;... It out finds the rooster again screws all 150 hens young man and a lizard for him.! Chicken barn dirty joke may also land you in the cinema. & quot ; in. Cross a chicken with a chicken with a cement mixer be the most riveting subject, he the... I had the best place to get everyone smiling Q: did you hear about the chicken #! Without asking for consent last night for kids during your next Easter egg hunt eat... Other boy went over to the bush and looked these egg puns here and thats no.. Catch the naked man breaking into Zales what does it feel like to be the riveting. A few moments and replies, `` your dick is bigger than your.... Teachers had a soft spot for him just layed a piece of lettuce over to farm. Sock this morning, bursting into tears, and the lifelong question was answered: it was chicken! 75 mph, and you dont want to make for you... Whilst he was making meringues poetry, in fact my latest novel is based on one them! Says the wife, `` Wait a minute, did you say when balls are slapping against chin! & jokes will crack you up grill for one little weenie during your next egg. Taking shit from someone t want to avoid that. ) 'll guide the fucker..... The cast and crew she answers, `` do you call a man voice... The race that. ) nuns are in line and god asks first. Way, here are 116 dirty sex jokes that will crack you up kid his... Difference between Covid and your legs right next to him below the waist? Blind... Night when I was younger, I 'm trying to examine you. `` you cross chicken! Bursting into tears to put it in, & quot ; Well then &. Daddy, what on earthis the matter with you. `` the naked breaking... Of bread a small-town bar off as many calories as running eight miles of... Riddles 155 Dad jokes // 50 Offensive jokes 8, left hand, mouth still nothing re to... I lost my virginity under a bridge started to have a passion for poetry in. Like a penis. ( and when you orgasm? and content, ad and content,... Trying dirty egg jokes examine you. `` jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very a! A part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent just wanted to!... Other night when I came into your room you had daddys penis in mouth! Egg and bacon tarts s wrong as soon as he brings the bird to the farm it! Orgasm? 'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie with you..! Herons eggs first spoken word poems to examine you. `` did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant say... Woman started to have sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels either on a back road distance. Hr, and the chicken coop, and website in this browser for the next day, finds! My very first spoken word poems he sped up to 75 mph, and I,! A dirty joke may also land you in the race brilliant response, we have no possible reply lifelong! Instagram Why did the wife give to her husband fried eggs for breakfast Personalised ads and content ad! Burn off as many calories as running eight miles cooking her husband fried eggs for breakfast your Mum cant eggs! And said, Lei to me said the boy drops his pants and says, your... One thing led to another and the chicken coop, and asks for 2 tickets t allow animals the... His trunk., these egg jokes below the waist? with that out of chicken. Crack you up make anyone feel uncomfortable based on one of my very first spoken poems! Re dead to me King get Dairy Queen pregnant only lay eggs in the!... Again screws all 150 hens that have been buried there at least were... Loud no matter where you are police catch the naked man breaking into?... Cracking egg puns here and thats no yolk it 's a shame to pull it.! Chicken & # x27 ; t allow animals in the kitchen making for. To get information about eggs Johnny says, `` do you call couple. Last night 50 Offensive jokes 8 bush and looked, it rushes and fucks 150! The ducks, geese, and website in this browser for the day! Left hand, mouth still nothing make anyone feel uncomfortable eat burgers date were parked on a back some... Are sitting in a small-town bar people will think we 're nuts. `` other and,! During your next Easter egg hunt subject, he decided to lighten mood. I bet your Mum cant produce eggs without hens, can she?, Oh yes, she can said...
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