baby rejecting mom after going back to work

baby rejecting mom after going back to work

My daughter just turned one. I feel the pain of the mom who wrote that she feels a lack of bond with her child and that she sometimes wants to just pick up and leave. It did break my heart. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. She is in love, so to say, and wants to be with you all the time. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . I know you'll be great. When she was 5 months old, daddy came back.the moment she saw my husband at the door was a funny one. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. I think there are several aspects to this. 1. It is not strange at all that dad is exciting when he appears now and then and it might also be quite natural that she is happy about seeing grandma who she right now spends so much time with. I see you're still nervous. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? The situation must be painful for you. My daughter is 15months old. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. Both my husband and I made it a consistent schedule just for her.When connection is bad, we utilizd the phone and made a very short international call where he wd talk 2her and we get to sing our song together. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! But they are so devoted to my daughter that she simply loves being with them. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. But it is so important! Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. Can I give you a challenge? My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. And sure enough, the moment I made an effort to lift my own spirits he naturally was back to being in my arms again. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. It seems like just in the last two months that all of sudden, she doesnt want me anymore. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. This is probably one of the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . We laugh all the time! I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. Sigh. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. Ive been home with her from the beginning. thank you for writing tips on coping. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. It breaks my heart and I consider just leaving her. A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. The other important thing is to protect your supply. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? Good luck and let us know how things develop! However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. This can be incredibly painful and worrying for the parent not in favor, but in most cases this is part of the babys development process. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. If grandad isnt there he wants to no me but if he is there he just blanks me, i try my hardest to try get his attention with no luck he just ignores me & blanks me. staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. If anything, it will harm the situation more. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. Is that true? I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. And Im 14!! i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. I work 6 days a week an Im home at nights but when he sees me he wont come to me and when I pick him up he throws his head back an starts to kick an screaming an he either runs to his mom or anyone else an its really killing me inside an it makes me feel he doesnt want me but like everybody else Im the only one that can put him to sleep an calm him down but its just hurts me that he doesnt want to be around me my heart is broken I been told it was a phase but I dont know bout that What can I do to want him to want me? And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. Please hang in there mommies and daddies. Try to do things with your son that he just cant resist playing funny games, dancing or whatever. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. this time we were alone in the room. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. Try Bottle Feeding a Drowsy Baby. But i continued being there for her. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. But when she is sick, she comes running to mommy to give her medicine and take here to the doctors. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. My mom watches her while I work, and she seems to be more attached to my mom. I dont know what to do. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. But, I do know I cant wallow. It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? Thanks for taking the time to read, I have not seen the same reaction for me. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. :) :) :). Like many of you, I am a working mother who loves her baby girl more than anything in the world. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. And I really felt that it started to work almost immediately. Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. First of all STOP acting bad towards your daughter. this week she turned 9 months and she has somehow attached herself to my mom. hi my baby is 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me. well, its not. And do things together all of you. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. People do crazy things in separations. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. If she is with me then she walks a way the moment she hears or sees her grandma. Much more effective than disciplining a child. She returned to work 12 days later because she wanted to save her unpaid leave so she could spend time with Eden after she . Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. Babies can feel our tension. A very sleepy baby may accept a bottle without even realizing it, so if your baby's resisting, try slipping in that target near the end of a nap, when she's still half asleep. I KNOW your baby loves you. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. Very scary! Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. It kills me and its making me resent her so much. you are a good mother. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. I am in the same position yet I do not work. It will happen, if your baby is bonding with others s/he will bond with you. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. No matter what I do, she still wants me. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. But they arent helping your relationship with your child. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. Thankfully he still paid her Iphone, so while she decided to turn it on (of course she couldnt be without it) we were able to track her location and after a month and another court order we got her back with us 100% full custody. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. What can I do? Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. Please dont give up on your babies. I hear a lot of guilt in what you write. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. It really hurts me. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. I have a 1yr-old son and he just started this him not wanting me always want the other family member that is around. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. You ask about the girl not wanting to talk to mom on the phone. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. she enjoys talking to him on a phone. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. Because my Mom lives with me and is ALWAYS there, there is no line between day time care and home. So chin up, head down. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. why does he do this?? At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. But I dont get a look in. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. Warm wishes, It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. I have a 7 month old son and since he was born his grandmother(dads mom) has been obsessed. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. Sigh. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. When she comes home from nursery its a whole lot worse, I think its because she has been with other women who are completely fun all of the time. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. (My step-sons mom also went crazy during their separation. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. My wife works part time on my days off, meaning our daughter goes into a lovely nursery 1-3 days per week and we split the child care between us for the rest. On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. not just for school its changing his diper or feeding him foods he will not eat from me at all i dont know why? Here is the good news: you are not alone. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? I dont know if maybe he was picking up on my dark mood, my insecurities? Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). I had to return to work recently (4 days a week) and daddy is at home more and takes my son to nursery and picks him up. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. How can you respond when he's overly attached to one parent? Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? Another aspect is that neither you nor your son seems to be comfortable with the role you have right now. Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. Please help! One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. I am not defending what the babys mom did. But he just doesnt seem to need me. I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. My partner will not discuss anything with me, if anything, he defends my son and will never say anything to make feel better. Shes the most amazing thing in the world. I am a stay at home mom with an almost one year old baby girl. Depending on the babys age and who she has been around the most, one parent or the other will be the preferred one. 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He is with me love him that am proud of him then his dad!

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