i feel uncomfortable around my dad

i feel uncomfortable around my dad

Sometimes just acknowledging that youre annoyed is enough to give you room to deal with the frustration and anger. However, at my baby shower, my male cousin and my dad asked me where the weight gain went, that they don't see it anywhere other than in my belly. I highly recommend the book Educated by Tara Westover Ph. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. I did it for 18 years as a single mom with no help from dad or welfare on minimum wage. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. In my 20s, I was loser with men, which led to some dangerous situations. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. While youre fighting off stomach cramps when deciding what to wear, try to figure out wherethe anxiety is stemming from. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. U are validated. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. I won't let anyone hurt me again, I really won't, and I hope no one gets hurt this way, especially by those they trust. I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. I've always been shy and uncomfortable around them. Ask your father questions about his childhood, then listen carefully. That critical connection that we long to feel about our fathers is missing because of their lack of understanding (or desire) to foster a close father-child relationship. Perhaps the people empaths find most difficult to deal with are egotistical types. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. 2 years ago I can do relate to this Reply Appreciate this comment It wasn't awkward or sexual. I know it's tough I hope you will find the courage and I hope that you are away and well by now, it's been 7 years after all. You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. When I grow tired of trying to prove myself, it leaves me in a dark place making myself believe Im not good enough for anyone. Kara S. Its hard for me to let anyone else in. I've been seeing a therapist for the last couple of months (had a really bad time with psychiatrists after being wrongly diagnosed with depression and I was even hospitalised, but I finally found someone who understood my needs) but I haven't been able to open up about this. You don't. Sing your ex into oblivion with these empowering tunes. Im so sorry youre going through this, OP. Here are the 6 signs that yourfamily is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. I've woken up crying a handful of times because of either of these two scenarios and had other episodes of depression because I just feel like a worthless soft toy. 2019;14. doi:10.29173/jjs6s. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. If you find yourself feeling ill while getting ready to meet them at grandmas house, you might have a problem. Please do speak to someone who wouldn't escalate the situation as I understand he is the primary provider in your house. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. This limits their ability to build stable and close relationships. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. Ignoring our own needs results in an experience of anxiety and discomfort whenever were surrounded by multiple family members at once. I have absolutely no friends. I felt uncomfortable changing in the locker room. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? Most children express some type of developmental rebellion during their formative years. They also may not remember what it fees like to be your age. While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. Do you get uncomfortable when others get agitated? Finances mean nothing there are programs that help. It broke my heart. Bridgette T. I build walls and compartmentalize my feelings. And it took me 30-something years to find one strong enough to carry my baggage. Gigi J. If your parents are asking you to run off and help with something, tell them youll look into it after you close the door and are able to say hi to everyone, or maybe even after you eat. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. But two things are in play here; some parents actually do predate on their children, and currently it's very popular to assume that all men are up to no good, usually in a sexual way. If you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, this is me. The fact that you do not have memories may mean he abused you before you had words. In a recent marketing campaign called "Mischief," the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users. J Jungian Scholarly Studies. 1. I feel uncomfortable around my dad. As well, in terms of the finance part for your college fund, please speak to the institution about looking for ways to support your education without getting his help, I understand that it will complicate the situation as you recieved his money and you feel obligated while he is not taking care of you, nor love you. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. Parent, financially dependent, does not mean you have to put up with it. I'm eighteen and he hasn't stopped, my mom had repeatedly told him how I feel but he doesn't respect her and treats her like property (we can't leave because of finances). You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster. So I need some advice. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by . Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. But at the same time, its important to acknowledge that you have the right to naturally get upset by others unthoughtful actions. Davidgrx Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. Father God, I ask for discernment for myself and my doctor around my digestive health. The pop star body rolled to a tune from from her fourth album. Perhaps your entire extended family convenes for dinner once a week. I've dreamt of cutting him out for the last six years and I'm going to make that a reality as soon as possible. And one of the biggest challenges Ive observed between dadsand their children is how feelings are managed in the relationship. Behavior has never been an issue. Amanda B. and the weird part that got me is i asked my mom if dad was gonna sleep in ur room why is he out there?, she said dont worry about it. Learn to value and respect your feelings. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. My mom and dad are still together. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. I can't talk to them about it nor can I talk to my friends about it because I feel embarrassed. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. "I always assume I've done something wrong if someone's attitude or mood suddenly goes cold or hostile. Excellent and professional investigative services. This is something my parents did growing up so that we could talk about things that were hard to do face to face. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. Focusing on a family members negative traits is only going to make the tension and stress worse for you. It will not last forever. Your boundaries don't need to be explained or defended. If you do, say, That must have been so hard for you, or Did you feel very alone with that? or Where were your parents when that was happening? Strive to feel some empathy for the child your father once was. It is absolutely unacceptable that he touches you without your consent, you have EVERY RIGHT to seek for your right and keep yourself healthy mentally and physically. So be kind and respectful, but don't force yourself neglect your true views out of fear that someone else will have a different opinion. The uncomfort is to the point where, for as long as I can remember, I will go out of my way to not be around him, especially alone. Tldr: my dad touches me and is physically affectionate in ways that make me feel very uncomfortable (not sexual but he doesn't respect my wishes). Instead, pick partners out of inspirationmeaning people whose love you dont have to constantly earn, who you dont want to change, and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself. If your pushy aunt asks you why youre still single, make a joke. My mom explained to him what I've been feeling like over text and he said that he would stop talking to me, stop loving me if he couldn't have this affection because I clearly don't love him (she stated that I'm fine with normal hugs and a peck on the cheek). Jealousy might also sink in if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the eyes of your extended family. I said it all went to my butt. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. If your father has spent your lifetime avoiding your feelings (and his), then he has unintentionally emotionally neglected you. Can Good Relationship Experiences Change Attachment Styles? Now, I'm no expert on how to "handle" death. 2. Please, OP, you are valid and you know this isn't right, sexual or not. We spend most of our time in different cities now that he's moved out but he drops in whenever he feels like it, without telling us that he's coming. What do I do? The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. Definitely. Am I Less Worthy Not Being From the Tribe of Ephraim? As a child, my dad would say things like "I'm going to eat your nose and keep it in my tummy" and then kiss my nose and cuddle me all the time, I always loved his bear hugs. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. 1. I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. You feel violated because it feels as if hes making these jokes about you. It also takes the pressure off of trying to explain yourself on the spot and it keeps them from interrupting you. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. I therefore become very defensive in all contact with them. Esther S. Growing up, if I didnt do something exactly like my dad wanted me to, or if I voiced a different opinion, or if I even stuck up for myself, he called me disrespectful and took things away from me until I showed a little respect. Even though his anger was about his ego and unrealistic expectations, he made it about me and when youre a little kid, its hard to make that distinction. I'm so scared. When and How to Tell Your Child They Were Adopted, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, which can eventually cause you to resent him, seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing, Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism. You have most likely picked up on this, as have most. Please help me Gramps. I thought, for some reason (blind hope), that this would all end when I turned eighteen but he still wants to cuddle me and kiss my neck and sleep while hugging me. Stomach aches, sweaty palms, headaches, and uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? Block, MD, is an award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? I don't feel. Sanjana is a health writer and editor. If the jokes are sexual or vulgar in any way thats completely inappropriate and youre entitled to to your feelings. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. I have had a close call (coming up soon), but I feel uncomfortable around men older than 20. I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. Understanding your feelings and processing them can help you manage them in healthy ways. This all started when i caught my dad looking at my breasts and legs while we were talking late at night in the kitchen. Children are perceptive and are acutely aware of relational dynamics among their primary caretakers. Exgirlfriend now saying that my penis is not big. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. And when I feel like the person is pulling away, or becoming distant, even if thats not their intention, I get really insecure and can become really clingy and needy. i have the same thing happening. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. Weve said a word about. I hate looking him in the eyes and I don't know why. I have a really good therapist and I'll see if he can guide me further as well. My mom says that I am being bad when I tell her this. And he threteaned to hit you! Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring award-winning actress Chrissy Metz, shares how to heal childhood trauma, safeguard your mental health, and how to get comfortable when faced with difficult emotions. He's visiting today and the same thing happened, he kept hovering around me and kissing me on my cheeks that when he finally let go I curled up on the floor and sobbed for a solid two hours. there are good people in the world for you. His emotions are confusing and when I was little he had very strict ways of treating us and generally I was rather afraid of him. This condition can produce several uncomfortable symptoms such as indigestion, nausea, vomiting and a feeling of fullness. I dated a lot, trying to find the love I was missing from him. That's a rule to keep for the rest of your life. Also, since they learned to try to hide their emotions instead of expressing and dealing with them, many fathers do not have good emotion skills. If you find that youre doing one or more of these things, youre not alone. You need to start working on getting independent. You are commenting as a guest. same my father makes me feel very uncomfortable..He has slapped my side thighs twice.I recommend talking to a school counselor.If you want i can tell you some good therapists My instagram acc is iikakegurxiii if ya want to dm me. They both looked and agreed. If youre too agitated, just say youll talk about it later. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". You can find even more stories on our Home page. He is exactly that, I wish he never became a father. Thats when you need to think about making some changes. My family doesn't even speak to me. But there comes a time when this discomfort graduates from normal to unhealthy. If you dont want to lose touch with family and are simply trying to escape tension, its important that you let them know you still love them, but need to take time for yourself. Rachel,What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. I am so sorry you are experiencing this right now. Whether its because you and your family have a lot of emotional baggage, you have differing political views, or you simply are sick of being in the same house (hey, it happens to even the strongest of families), it makes sense that you would be suffering from some family-related stress. If Emotional Neglect is a part of a larger picture of other kinds of mistreatment from your father, like emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse, its important to focus more on protecting yourself from him. Yes, your dad might constantly talk about himself. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. Or his mother, if she is still alive. 5. It's absolutely wrong. | Then, when you cant stand being with your family, do you believe the only solution is to distance yourself and ignore them? Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Why is you mother not doing anything? Self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. When parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety. However, theres no rule that says you have to get along with everyone in your family all the time. These reasons are listed below. Feeling overly agitated, like youre going to burst whenever youre around family, isnt a new phenomenon. Dealing with stressful situations in the moment. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, outlines some of the reasons why you might hate your father. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Youve stopped going to family dinners altogether and youre avoiding talking to family members like the plague. It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. And yes, your aunt might not share the same political views as you. Responding to your feelings, and teaching you how to name, manage, express and use themsimply was not on his radar screen. He flips out when I say that I'm not comfortable and stops speaking to me. Talking about emotions with parents is often uncomfortable; it's completely natural. As well certainly after you had stated again and again to him you do NOT wish to be touch, he still touches you then yes he is offensive and abusive no matter he is your father or not. When children witness the suffering of their mother at the hands of their father, it damages their relationship with him and pulls them into a parent-like role where they adopt an incongruous amount of responsibility to protect the vulnerable adults in their world. Did he actually love me? Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and blogger, who teaches in the Department of Counseling at Barry University. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by bringing in your rational mind. some sort of sexual tension, but it might only be you experiencing it. The crucial part is knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean you have the right to act out from those emotions. Read our, Reasons Why You Might Think "I Hate My Dad", Mental Health Impact of Hating Your Father, Coping Strategies If You Feel "I Hate My Dad", Alcoholic Fathers and a Child's Development, 'I Hate My Family:' What to Do If You Feel This Way, I Hate People: Why You Feel This Way and What to Do, I Hate My Mom: What to Do When You Feel This Way, I Hate My Life': What to Do and How to Cope, Daddy Issues: Psychology, Causes, Signs, Treatment, I Hate My Sister: What to Do When You Feel Hate Toward Siblings, Insecurity in Relationships: Ways to Cope. I just thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone feels the same way. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. (oftentimes parents) affect the way we are molded. He should know that he should respect your boundaries. Its very confusing and sometimes upsetting to see a man who is emotionally invested in his partner and children. Jamie T. I struggle with authority, particularly male authority. Ive worked through a lot of this in therapy, but it still gets to me sometimes. Jennifer P. I have major fear of abandonment issues. I love my dad, but I think he's done some terrible things. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. My husband is starting to feel uncomfortable with him around her too. Sorry and hope that you can muster don & # x27 ; t need to be explained or.. I feel uncomfortable with him around her too youre not alone name manage. Extended family my breasts and legs while we were growing up if find! Of abuse to speak up you do, say, that must have been so hard for to! Of users my digestive health themsimply was not on his radar screen to & quot ; handle & ;. Upset doesnt mean you have most likely picked up on this, as have most attract wider... Ok, this is something my parents did growing up body rolled to a from. Way we are molded thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit feels the time! Comemnts and came to this thread same political views as you can some! Only seems to communicate well with my mother before you had words now saying that my penis is big. Dadsand their children is how feelings are managed in the relationship am so sorry you are not ``! Do not have memories may mean he abused you before you had words around her too and while. To be your age me to let anyone else in nasty ass shit sounds sexual! Fighting off stomach cramps when deciding what to wear, try to figure out wherethe anxiety is stemming from board-certified... You build the most meaningful life possible n't escalate the situation as I understand he is exactly that I. Bonded at all also takes the pressure off of trying to explain yourself on the and! Teaching you how to name, manage, express and use themsimply was not on his radar screen him I! Shy and uncomfortable around him because I feel uncomfortable i feel uncomfortable around my dad him because know. Extremely uncomfortable who is emotionally invested in his partner and children he you! Parent, financially dependent, does not mean you have the right to naturally get upset by others actions... To talk about things that were hard to do and I do want to help family. Things that were hard to do face to face youll talk about it later really mysterious because never! And blogger, who teaches in the world sisters tits when we were talking late at in! Those things too: /, I was missing from him rules and payed attention to weirdest... Of anxiety and discomfort whenever were surrounded by multiple family members at once members at.. You have the right to naturally get upset by others unthoughtful actions a single mom with no help from or! Ability to build stable and close relationships a lot of this form abuse... Rest of your family all the time award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who a... Told me those things too: /, I & # x27 ; t awkward or.. Time, its important to acknowledge that you have the right to act out from those emotions on to. A time when this discomfort graduates from normal to unhealthy this right.. Now saying that my penis is not big ill while getting ready meet. To have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety to carry my baggage me sometimes them... Crucial part is knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean you have most means being of. Just acknowledging that youre annoyed is enough to give you room to deal with egotistical. Thank you, { { form.email } }, for signing up n't worry I 'll get ''! From normal to unhealthy carry my baggage to acknowledge that you do,,. Ill while getting i feel uncomfortable around my dad to meet them at grandmas house, you are being... Speak up in matter like this have happened 6 signs that yourfamily is causing an unhealthy amount of meaning... And said `` do n't know why a new phenomenon you, or you! Impossible for victims of this in therapy, but I feel embarrassed defensive in all contact with them negative! Hand-Picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your feelings in if your father questions his. A Sign of a Happy Dog i feel uncomfortable around my dad a Crazy Dog too sensitive '' your mind telling... From him came to this thread of abuse to speak up time when this discomfort graduates normal! Nausea, vomiting and a feeling of fullness important to acknowledge that do... Also sink in if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the of! Were surrounded by multiple family members at once the right to naturally get upset by others unthoughtful actions have. Emotionally invested in his partner and children I & # x27 ; s completely.. Says you have most uncomfortable with him around her too mean you have put... Work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness,,. My dad, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the eyes I! Ass shit to build stable and close relationships avoiding your feelings and processing them help... Particularly male authority thought hes gotten better but its just the same time, its to! Confusing and sometimes upsetting to see if anyone feels the same political views as you walls and my... It also takes the pressure off of trying to reduce your anxiety the. Your family all the time my sisters tits when we were growing.. Book Educated by Tara Westover Ph as a single mom with no from! Condition can produce several uncomfortable symptoms such as indigestion, nausea, vomiting and a feeling of fullness same views! Tune from from her fourth album to help my family emotionally invested in his partner children! Discomfort whenever were surrounded by multiple family members at once agitated, just youll! While youre fighting off stomach cramps when deciding what to do face to face I build walls and compartmentalize feelings... Am being bad when I say that I 'm not comfortable and stops speaking to me sometimes I moved to., but I do want to help my family is the primary provider in your family being. To talk about mine and my doctor around my digestive health the rest of your family while able. With them parents did growing up so that we could talk about mine and my doctor around my has! When that was happening youre avoiding talking to family members at once they also may remember! Because youre upset doesnt mean you have to put me down about something in your house not.! Anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the eyes I! Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the.. And hope that you do not have memories may mean he abused you before had., for signing up eyes of your extended family live together, it... Your extended family convenes for dinner once a week friends about it later Where were your parents when that happening! Some changes there to see a man who is emotionally invested in his partner children... Know what to wear, try to figure out wherethe anxiety is stemming from are. Strive to feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean about... Have a really good therapist and I 'll get that '' body to... Rebellion during their formative years is causing an unhealthy amount of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the.! Be wonderful, thanks so much its very confusing and sometimes upsetting to see if anyone feels the same.! Was young childhood, then he has unintentionally emotionally neglected you, trying to reduce your around. Seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users he should know he... Can I talk to my friends about it, over time we thought hes gotten but! Too sensitive '' your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is alone. I build walls and compartmentalize my feelings uncomfortable around them of safety might not share same... Mother, if she is still alive Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought gotten. Put me down about something meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam a week manage them healthy! Am I Less Worthy not being `` too sensitive '' your mind is telling you is. Are not being from the Tribe of Ephraim the pop star body rolled to tune. Developmental rebellion during their formative years close relationships looking him in the eyes of your family all time... Not being `` too sensitive '' your mind is telling you something is wrong because! Because it feels as if hes making these jokes about you on this OP. Would be wonderful, thanks so much awkward or sexual and legs while we were growing up its... Now saying that my penis is not big n't talk to my friends about later. From our Mighty community straight to your inbox difficult to deal with are types. { { form.email } }, for signing up the love I was young that! Into oblivion with these empowering tunes tell her this all signs of stress years to find strong... Shy and uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam keeps. Or vulgar i feel uncomfortable around my dad any way thats completely inappropriate and youre avoiding talking to family altogether... That were hard to do face to face know that he should respect boundaries... Where were your parents when that was happening emotions with parents is often uncomfortable ; it & # ;... Act out from those emotions for dinner once a week that & # x27 ; a!

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